'how i met your mother'
over the weekend, i burned through 2 seasons of himym. apparently, the show aired from 2005 to 2014, my schooling years, when i was busy performing, so i didn't watch them until now, in my large break.
although i know it's just a drama, and its goal might not be a great life philosophy, the story kinda make me think. i don't like Robin, she's too intense somehow, very cautious, and her independence makes the story less messy, while the point of a funny sitcom is to make a mess and have fun with it. Robin's the reality. perhaps she's too much like me during exact those years, so. she end up living the life she wants, around the world, which i feel good for her. the fact that one girl can enjoy a sweet couple time and still make such an adventure and she was a teenage pop star (catching my breath at this), shows how many feelings one human can feel, how diverse a life can be. but at the same time, i don't think Robin lives her dating life to the fullest. Ted doesn't know all about her. they need more time. perhaps it was her fullest level of dating when they broke up - she did say she had never been in such a serious relationship. still, spending a year with Ted i think is a valuable part to her. love is how people spend time together.
i have never done anything to its fullest, or have i? i always have been where the fun is. hop in, hop out. life is a carousel. and i had multiple tickets. so many tables and lamps and fans and kettles came in and out of my life until i managed to live out of a shoulder bag and make-do with whatever available where i come (to this day, i still like to silently quote a friend, 'a perfect world is a world with single-useds'). sometimes, i gave someone good stuff, and quietly judged how they didn't show gratitude, and whoever that was i never came any closer to. once, i left an apartment with full electrical equipments, all in good condition, i didn't know what happened to them later (though i believe they were in good hands because the old cleaning lady seemed nice and to belong to a generation of stuff-treasuring people). such was the time of a tired, careless version of myself. Robin, what did you do to your apartment when you left for Argentina? when Ted moved to your place, he brought a box full of pot lids. we're so non-Ted, i know.
i think human should live as stuffless as possible, treasuring what they are having at the moment but never get too attached, and with the lightness of essentials, they can explore what really matters. like the tree waving its branches in the wind. that is the state i have been pursuing so constantly that recently it became a nature to me. i went from overspending, to trying to not attain too much, to getting comfortable with the momentum coziness of belongings. my one-bag has gotten lighter and more efficient along the way. i have came through so much that it all seemed so little now.
thirty two, been to places, taken my time, i don't know what's next. it's okay never being an artist, it's okay to have fun till the last days of my life, it's okay taking a long break not having to work for a living. it's okay taking a Stanford math course, it's okay binging American sitcoms. as everything's okay, i don't know what's next. perhaps such labels are also temporary stuff for momentum living.
after one night, the dust town became cold, and windy this morning. fluffy pajama weather. i woke up looking out the window, where a huge tree was waving its branches. and i thought to myself, how would it be to stay in New York one day.